Skip to main content

My Sex Addiction


LISTEN TO THE PODCAST HERE...



I like to play a game where I reflect on my life and think if I can go back in time to my 15-year-old self, what advice would I give myself?  


Don't watch or masturbate to porn would be number one. Why?   


It's caused a 30-year addiction, which has devolved from regular porn to transgender porn and seeing sex workers.  


The fixation began in childhood. Compared to my friends and family, I felt I wasn't very good looking. I was awkward when talking to girls well into adulthood. My confidence was low. Porn was a comforting escape; it wouldn't deny me. It's always there.  


What has this dependency cost me? Thousands of dollars and time, lots of time. Sex addiction is isolation, shame, fear of living.


I've been seeing prostitutes for the last 3 plus years. Sometimes they'd be nice; other times, they just went through the motions. Sometimes they were waiting for me to leave. When I say they were nice, they would allow me to have unprotected sex with them(at times). I also ask them to do the same to me. They wouldn't watch the clock, I'd ask them for a massage, or I'd give one in return. It starts off wanting sex but ends with seeking intimacy, which is never there. Fears of catching an STD, STI, getting arrested, or hurt by going to a dangerous part of town in the middle of the night, never deterred the craving for the variety, danger, and orgasm. When the withdrawals begin, it wants to be satisfied and will do what it must. It hasn't been all bad, but I don't want to live like this forever.


I am actively working on conquering this compulsion and having some success. Listening to porn addiction podcasts, reading books on the subject matter have educated me. Therapy has helped as well, which I've been actively doing the last 2-3 years. Dating is something I'm beginning again, which is tough when paying for sex has been so easy.  


 I also consume lots of MGTOW content. Men Going Their Own Way. This mode of thinking discourages marriage and relationships due to the divorce rate and financial bankruptcy for men. That scares me. Being a child of divorced parents and witnessing a version of this first hand. I used this as an excuse to continue my sex addiction, but I ended up back in square one, longing for real connection—yearning for someone who wants me.  


I've been researching semen retention and the Karezza form of lovemaking. These ideas excite me and make me look forward to getting into a relationship with someone. I don't want kids or marriage but a girlfriend, maybe cohabitating. Transmutation is also of interest. The spreading of sexual energy and recycling it in other parts of my body.


Changing these bad habits into repeated positive actions is tough. It is the biggest challenge of my life. Failure will happen, but I will continue to push through.

Resources

Porn Reboot podcast https://player.fm/series/the-porn-reboot-podcast 

Mindful Habit podcast https://bit.ly/323LEoy 

Book on Karezza form of lovemaking and semen retention (affiliate link)-Cupid's Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson https://amzn.to/31YFKF6 

Previous podcast episodes on seeing escorts https://bit.ly/342V85W and my thoughts on MGTOW https://bit.ly/3h2ynCB 

Sexaholics Anonymous https://www.sa.org 

What is MGTOW? https://www.mgtow.com 

What is No Fap(semen retention)? https://nofap.com 


Thoughts?   Comments?   Do so below.

YouTube version


 

 


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Welcome to the Paul Has Fun Blog!

  On this blog, I dig into my hobbies and document my life and interests.   I hope to encourage you to do the same! Thanks for spending time with me. Scroll down for the latest content.   WELCOME!   
Post a Comment
Read more

The Ballerina Spoiler Review-$132 Million Later

Check out this episode! On this episode, Jason G and I review 'Ballerina', a spinoff set in the 'John Wick' universe between chapters three and four. We praise the film’s action, calling it some of the best in the series, with standout scenes, such as a flamethrower sequence. I mention struggling to fully buy Ana de Armas as an action star, while Jason suggests the director’s style may emphasize looks over grit. We also note the inclusion of Lance Reddick’s character, filmed before his passing, and appreciate how the action feels intense but more grounded compared to other over-the-top set pieces in this universe. We give the movie an overall rating of 7 to 7.8 out of 10. The conversation concludes with thoughts on the box office and franchise. Despite a \$90 million budget, the film made about \$132 million worldwide, which may not cover total costs. However, it is performing well on VOD platforms. Lionsgate has not confirmed a 'Ballerina' sequel, but 'Joh...
Post a Comment
Read more

Chill Vibes Mixtape August 2025 with Visualizer video

YouTube Video This mixtape is a collection of music I enjoy listening to on my way home from work. It calms me down, gives me hope, and gets my creative juices going. It's music from movies, TV shows, and video games. Here's the track listing. ‘ H elena’s Theme ’ - John Williams - Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny Soundtrack ‘R eliquary ’ - Amos Roddy - The Wild at Heart game soundtrack ‘I nto the Starfield ’ - Inon Zur - Starfield game Soundtrack ‘G ris Pt. 1 ’ - Berlinist - Gris game soundtrack ‘L acero Expressivo ’ - Kim Neundorf - The White Lotus Season 2 soundtrack ’S isters ’ - Cristobal Tapia de Veer - The White Lotus Season 2 soundtrack ‘T he Unreliable ’ - Justin E. Bell - The Outer Worlds game soundtrack ‘L a Bella Vita ’ - Cristobal Tapia de Veer - The White Lotus Season 2 ‘E nlightenment ’ - Cristobal Tapia de Veer - The White Lotus Season 3 ’S ecrets of the Forest ’ (Inspired by the Chrono Trigger game) - Arrowny ‘A quatic Ambiance ’ ...
Post a Comment
Read more