Most nights, right before getting to bed, I get the urge to watch porn. To masturbate and watch porn.
In reading ‘Way of the Superior Man’ by David Deida, porn and masturbation lower my power as a man. The book indirectly says it lowers my confidence. Rubbing furiously down there desensitizes the sensation of being inside a woman. In the past, when I was with a partner, there were occasions were I had trouble becoming erect. I blame it on the years of porn and masturbation.
Porn changes my mental connections from what is naturally, pleasurably, sexy. Versus a video of people ‘performing’ sex. Here’s a presentation by Gary Wilson, author of 'Your Brain on Porn,' discussing this.
Real Sex is not edited or three go-to positions. I feel it’s awkward, vulnerable, fun, exciting, sexier and much more intense in person.
The thing is, when it comes to porn, I’ve been watching it for so long (25+ years), and I like it. The variety is the best.
However, I know it’s not good for me.
This is where the struggle comes in.
Identifying the time when the porn watching and masturbation happen and openly talking about it, I’m hoping will help me to ultimately stop both.
When I’ve been in relationships, I wouldn’t entertain porn as much. I’m currently working on meeting someone. I’m using dating websites such as OK Cupid and Coffee Meets Bagel.
I don’t consider myself shy, but I have trouble talking to women, that I find attractive.
In the meantime, I’ve begun entertaining escort services(i.e. paying ‘ladies of the night’ found on Backpage.com), with the hopes of holding me over (sex-wise).
I see using escort services as a form of self care. Similar to getting a massage, using a sensory deprivation tank, going to the gym, or taking a yoga class. It’s more expensive than each of those activities. I couldn’t afford it every week. A hidden fear of mine is acquiring another STD. Having to explain genital herpes is bad enough.
This is my latest experiment, let’s see how this goes long term.
Are you trying to quit porn? Let go of masturbation? Share your story below. I’m sure it will help someone else.