At the end of 2017, I wanted more for myself. To be a better version of me. To overcome old and new fears. I wrote down these13 goals for 2018 with the hopes of becoming just that.
1. Doing more of what already works not taking on new things.
Reading this now, I push back on this. Because if you don't try new things, you won't find that new favorite thing. While going down a YouTube rabbit hole I discovered the world of action figure photography, action figure play, and diorama building. I loved action figures in my youth. This will continue in some form, in the new year.
2. Travel to Jamaica, Florida, California, Texas, Dominican Republic, Arizona. Do a cruise too.
Since I've started publicly stating my goals back in 2016, this is the one I've been the worst at. The only trip I'd taken this year is to Jamaica which was incredible. See some of those videos here. At the time of this writing, I started looking into plane tickets to places I'd like to travel to winter 2019. When I saw the prices of the plane tickets, I thought to myself 'if I'd seen fewer sex workers I'd have more money to travel.' Something to consider in the new year.
3. Sleep 6-8 hours daily. A vegan diet with less processed foods. No oils, a little gluten ok.
I did pretty well here. I'm finding more of my groove with a pure vegan, gluten-free, oil-free diet. I did slack off at times and had pizza and ice cream. I've lowered my cholesterol dramatically, but it's still above average. I like a gluten-free diet because it keeps my gut down and makes absorption of vitamins better. I had meat a handful of times this year. I've been better about my sleep patterns as well sleeping 6+ hours most work nights. This was inspired by Arianna Huffington's 'Sleep Revolution' book.
4. Continue 'Daily Happiness Routine.' If you don't hit all the steps every day that's ok. But try!
The 16 steps are(they became 16 steps recently):
-Read & listen to books/podcasts
-Take your vitamins
-Smile be curious, have fun
-Be kind & giving to at least one person
-Be grateful at least once during the day
-Love and accept yourself as you are
-Variety when needed
-Dance every other day.
I did pretty well here too. But often didn't hit all 16 daily.
5. Look forward to fear, problems and uncomfortable situations. This is where you will grow.
Keeping this mindset when these situations would present themselves helped me this year. The times I was disciplined at work, or when I tried something new and felt uneasy, or when I made the same terrible mistakes again and again. By repeating this goal in my head, it was easier to deal with feelings of anger, defeat, and frustration that came over me when I failed.
6. Publish books from my content. Sell my artwork.
This was one of the goals that I crossed out, when I wrote this in December of 2017, the idea was to collect my content and self-publish on Amazon. Publish an audiobook version as well — collections of movie reviews, weird stories, my blog posts. However, I dropped it.
I did sell my artwork. It started on Redbubble and Zazzle, but I never spent money(as a consumer)there. I did on Teepublic and decided to upload my designs there. I haven't had any sales(haven't check it in months). I uploaded about five pieces of artwork and planned to do more in 2019. Check out the store here.
7. Teach a free dancehall class twice in 2018.
In late 2017 I desired to teach a dancehall class and it happened. I wrote the goal down to do it twice more in 2018. This was another goal that I crossed out. The reason why I crossed out this goal and the previous one? I felt I didn't have the time or wanted to make the time to do this. Throughout the last decade, I've done and gotten the opportunity to do this five times. 2 times on my own and three times with other instructors. I'm ok with that. I did it. If someone invited me to teach with them, I would, but as of right now, I'm not interested in teaching on my own again. I may just be making excuses here. Either way, I'm ok.
8. Do not quit on reselling, podcasting, dancing, artwork, or publishing. Take breaks when needed.
I did well here but couldn't fight the guilty feelings that came over me when I did take a break. Looking back now, those guilty feelings were a blessing because they pushed me to get back to work on my creative endeavors. The publishing still didn't happen. But that bug hasn't left me, and I'm working on publishing a journal right now as of this writing.
9. Grow the reselling business slowly. eBay, Poshmark and Amazon MF.
This was another goal that was partially crossed out. I decided to stick to eBay. Between work, my social life, and the podcast and all that entails(video, research, writing, editing), my hands were full and adding these other reselling channels required a significant time commitment. Book publishing, Poshmark, Amazon MF, teaching a dancehall class was all left behind very early in 2018. Check out my eBay store here.
10. More sex workers, no girlfriend.
This was a big one for me in 2018. Before this year I'd have times when I would put up a dating profile and send out numerous emails hoping to get someone's attention. I hardly succeeded there, and when I did get someone's attention, it didn't go anywhere. Best case scenario we'd date for a couple of months but I'll soon realize that it wasn't for me and I'd end things. Now when I dove into paying for sex, it was a mind shift.
I always looked down negatively at people who did that. I would see it in hotels I'd work at. The prostitutes come in at night to see guests. The guests come down to meet them or call down to give so-so(enter exotic name)access to their room. Now that I'm the guy going to visit escorts in hotels my judgment has changed.
I saw a sex worker most weeks in 2018. They were all trans women. I met some interesting people. The ones I had great sex with I'd see again. Most were ok, few were terrible.
I wasn't always safe; I did my blood work multiple times throughout the year. No HIV thank goodness, but I did get something that resembled gonorrhea, but ended up being strep? I've taken penicillin for it.
I've had new and exciting kinds of sex this year, and it was something else.
11. Reach out to friends and family every other week.
While going through therapy, I've realized that this is more important to me than I thought. As of late, I've been reaching out to a family member every week. I long for connection, and when I speak with family or see them, it makes me feel warm and at home.
12. Make more 1-2 minute dance videos.
I made one dance video for the whole year. I want to make more as I'd like to document my dancing along with the rest of my life for the podcast. My body over time is diminishing and I won't always be able to do what I can do now. I want to record this.
13. Continue your education. Do so through reading books, listening to podcasts, and watching videos.
My appetite for book reading has grown this year. I started off with traditional books only, but now I'm listening to two audiobooks, reading a book and a comic book all at the same time. My dance education has increased due to videos. Watching other dancers has inspired me to copy them and add that to my dance vocabulary. I love to learn as it makes me feel that I'm growing mentally and spiritually.
This year wasn't all rainbows and roses. There were times I was depressed, felt alone. I was a slave to my bad habits and anytime I would indulge them I'd feel terrible. I desired intimacy that no sex worker can fulfill no matter how bad I wanted it. I still lack friends that I can hang out with regularly, be myself and be accepted. Much of this is on me, I take responsibility for it. I still struggle with it. But I don't regret any of it.
Setting these goals and seeing some of them through has made me a better version of who I was on December 31, 2017.
I'm more relaxed in life. I see failure and mistakes as gifts. My ego isn't getting the best of me or making me lose out on opportunities for happiness. I'm getting better at listening to myself and trusting the flow of my life. But most of all, loving myself even more so and paying attention to my inner dialogue.
How did you do on your goals for 2018? Do you still remember any? Let me know. Goals for 2019 are coming up soon.
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