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This book ends my dating-relationship jag of books. It went from '3% Man', 'Models,' 'No More Mr. Nice Guy', 'Way of the Superior Man,' now this.
During the 90s, late nights watching Tony Robbin's infomercials got me into personal development. I enjoyed listening to his Personal Power audio series, starting(but not finishing)his 'Awaken the Giant Within' book. Some of the speakers Tony had on his programs where Barbara Deangelis and John Gray. I read(once again didn’t finish)Mrs. Deangelis book 'How to Make Love All the Time,' and I purchased the audio cassettes of 'Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus.'
In my 20s, getting a girlfriend was one of my highest priorities. I felt I was incomplete until I can attain this. I thought if I got into self-development, I could be a great boyfriend. Around this time I was also heavy into video games and going out dancing on a weekly basis. Things haven’t changed much since then except, there are no video games now, I do still party but not as often. Presently I’ve given up on meeting someone, and have relegated myself to paying sex workers whenever I'm feeling horny.
This is against these takeaways, but meeting someone takes a lot of time, work, and resources. A lot of rejection as well. Rejection is good. Great for content especially in the space that I’m working in. Using sex workers is cheaper than a relationship and buys me more time for anything else.
This early interest in relationships comes up to the surface at times. I guess it's human nature. A podcast I listen to on/off is 'One Extraordinary Marriage.' A great podcast which has tips to have a more fruitful union. Such as planning sex, who’s turn is it to initiate, placing an overall importance on the couple before the children. I recommend this podcast.
Reading this book reminded me of some of the lessons I learned when listening to the audio version years ago. The most significant being the love letter technique. It made me think back when my mother and ex-girlfriends wrote me letters explaining their feelings at various times. It was sincere. I kept those for a period until recently when I started getting rid of things. That move was inspired by a desire to practice minimalism.
These are five of my most prominent takeaways of John Gray’s 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.'
1. When women are talking about their issues, they don’t want answers. Men’s initial response when they hear problems is to fix them. Women want someone to listen and be on their side. They discharge the pent-up emotion when they talk about their issues.
2. Men often need time to think and find a solution to problems. During this time they may pull away for a bit. Women may interpret this as non-communication and abandonment. It’s important for women not to chase after men while this is happening. Men will come back more receptively and loving.
3. Women's emotions are naturally high and low. Sometimes when love is abundant in a relationship, a woman may discuss old hurts and pains. When this is happening, she may become very emotional. It is important to be supportive and empathetic when this is happening. Telling the woman to ‘snap out of it’ is the wrong thing to do. A woman must hit her low before she can come back and be her usual self. As long as the man is there for her, she will bounce back with stronger faith in the relationship.
4. Men hugging women often is huge. This combined with empathy goes a long way.
5. The love letter technique. First write down your anger, fear, sadness from a current situation or past heartache. Then write a response of what you'd like to hear your partner say back to you. Finally, share this with your loved one. It doesn’t always have to be in this order. You can write the first part read it back to yourself just to get those emotions out. This exercise will help bring you back to a place where you can be loving, open, receptive.
I like the way Mr. Gray writes. It's easy to understand. The previous book I read before this was David Deida’s 'Way of the Superior Man.' Some of the stuff he wrote about went over my head. This is the 2nd time I re-visit this book, and I feel it won’t be the last. Anyone in a relationship reading or listening to this; you should read this book.